Last Post - 13th June 2020

 

It has been more than four months since we last met.

I still remember that day. 13^th June 2020. You looked so beautiful in that blue Kurti. I was there. To pick you up from you place. I saw you walk towards the cab wearing a white mask on your face. I could just see your eyes from far away. The eyes looking out for me, with the same love and affection as always. I was simply overwhelmed and overjoyed with the aura that you had.

As we sat together in the cab, you held my hand. I resisted. Our last meeting did not go very well and I was in two minds about a lot of things. You asked me about my health. You scolded me for smoking too much. You asked me about Peechu. I sat there answering each question in monosyllables. I was not in a right state of mind for sure, yet I never stopped loving you. I was not able to resist your touch. It felt that is something out of the world.

We reached my place, or as we called it our place. The choicest of curtains, cushions, bedsheets everything was kept locked in my closet. I wanted you to decorate the place yourself, after we were together for a lifetime. I had put up a new bedsheet for your arrival, cleaned the room, the toilet was spick and span and the kitchen smelled of the delicious chicken that I had cooked just for you. You entered the flat, welcomed by Peechu who was waiting for you eagerly. She knew you just by your smell. She had been trained that way. I had her smell the t-shirt that you were last wearing, my t-shirt. It had your smell in it and she recognized you and leapt at you like a child meeting her mother.

You were her mother, if I am her father. You spent some time with her, patting her on the back, scratching her ears. Peechu was more than happy that day. The happiest that I have ever seen her.

We sat on the bed, spoke about few things of not much importance. I was resisting my temptation to touch you on the cheeks and kiss you on your forehead. Just to show you that I love you with all of myself. That I love you more than anything in this cosmos.

You came near me suddenly and sat on my lap. I resisted again. But could not. We kissed softly. Then something happened. We forgot everything. We had the longest and the most passionate kiss. The softness of your lips and the feeling of your hands on my back was enough for me to forget reality and again enter into our world of dreams. We laid down beside each other and kissed again. I held you in my arms like a child grasping his favorite toy. I never wanted to let go of you ever. I never wanted to lose sight of you ever. I never wanted to stop loving you, ever.

Yes, we had sex. I have always termed it as love-making. I was inside you and with every push I could feel the warmth of our relationship. I could feel that there is something in this world which is my own. Which is probably something I have always craved for and I know you have as well.

After that I just lied down on your arms. The place where I found all the solace in the world. Tears rolled down my eyes. I just looked at your face and cried. I still don’t know why! Might be because we were together after 88 long days! I said nothing. I could not say anything. I just continued to look at you as you continued to wipe my tears. You said nothing, though I wanted you to say something. I wanted you to just say once that you love me and will always be with me, no matter what.

We had lunch. All three of us together. For the first and probably the last time. I had made your favorite chicken curry, the dhaba style one which you loved a lot. Maybe that’s the last time I had a proper lunch!

I have always imagined life to be like this. Just me and you! With whatever we have, be it more or less, adequate or inadequate, good or bad, I just knew that we would be happy. I would never ever let tears come to your eyes ever. I would never ever let anything bad happen to you ever. I will always just love you and care for you till the end of time. And as I always said ‘I Live for you’!

Afghani Kebab

I just wanted to be with her. No matter what. All I wanted was to see her beautiful face full of happiness every single day. That was too much to ask for I know. But yes She was as adamant as I was!

One fine morning I received a text that she is not coming to office and she will be working from home. I remained as casual as I could be yet the feeling of not seeing her and meeting her was very profound in my texts. She understood that I was missing her madly and badly. And yes I really was finding it difficult that day to concentrate. 

Enter a common friend who took the responsibility of bringing her to me during late afternoon hours. I had already tried having lunch that day but I missed her so much that I just could not have my fill. I knew she was somewhere and had not eaten.

Post my defeated lunch session as I was on my seat trying not to think of her and concentrate on work when she suddenly came barging in and occupied the seat next to me. I can never ever explain the feeling! I just looked at her and knew that she had not eaten, and I too wanted to have something the instant I saw her, she is all it takes for me to live a civilised life!

We experienced the best 'Kabab' that day. Chicken Afghani Kebab from a food joint in the food court with Roomali Roti. She fed me most of the food which I had got for her and I could literally sense the feeling that she had when she saw me eating out of her hands! That's by far the best feeling in this world for me.

What we did that day was nothing but have Afghani Kebab once every week and each time I just wanted her to feel good about it. Yes we did have arguments over an Afghani Kebab but all I knew is that it makes her happy if she scolds me or asks me to do something. I did try my best to just agree to what she said. But yes the Afghani Kebab is awesome she would agree to it. 

Temple Run 2

Once we had settled down that the Temple visit on Saturdays will be like this - I pick her up, wait outside for couple of hours(with Tea, Cigarette and Pink Floyd), once she is done with the pooja, we had breakfast (Yet another story) and I drop her back to her place.

This routine continued for couple of weeks but I became impatient, not because I had to wait outside, but she had to endure a lot to enter the temple the queue was so huge every time. I needed to find a quick, made easy and fast technique to get her inside. On the third Saturday of our visit, I decided to check out the surroundings of the famous Kalkaji Mandir and figure out a short cut route.

Enter 'Narayan', a solitary man who sat on a high altar just opposite to a small gate which led to the interior of the temple. A gate which only opened to the trustees and to people who gave a outright donation of more than 500 bucks to the head 'Pandit'. I observed Narayan for some time that day and figured out that he had a key to that very gate and if I figured out how to bribe him, her wait time would reduce from 2 hours to a mere 10 minutes! That was something I wanted because it meant two things - one, she had to endure a bare minimum queue and Secondly we could spend some more time over breakfast. 

Now came the tough part, how to bribe the guy?

I spoke with him for good half an hour that day I came to know everything about his family and his hometown. Trust me I know more about him than his wife! The kind of indirect sales pitch I carried that day was enough for him to give me the offer to enter via the gate by paying a bare minimum 50 bucks! Too much of a bargain in return for a lot! 

I told this to her and the next Saturday she entered the temple via Narayan's wild card entry. I never entered for I feel that she will pray enough for both of us and also I simply believed in her too much to believe in anything else. I did enter once (another story better never said). I waited beside Narayan every time for her to be back, and every single time she looked even prettier. I could just sit watching her face for an eternity or maybe more! 

Kiss from a Rose

Our office timings were the most dreaded ever, 8:30 AM to 5:30 PM. Who the hell works so early? 

I had a pact with my Manager that I will not arrive before 10:30 AM and I used public transport so I could do that. She on the other hand availed the company cab service which picked he up at 7:45 AM (I can understand her pain, she loves to just sleep without any disturbance). Now once we were together the minutes seemed to pass a bit too slow, and we almost stayed back twice a week post office hours and spent quality time in the food court having 'Khullar Chai' (Petrichor again, the smell from the Khullar). Then my responsibility was to drop her at the lane adjacent to her home and then return home and we again used to be glued to the phone for hours speaking about anything and everything under the sun.

On one such day, it was already late, about 8:30 PM when I booked an Uber. Our office was 26 kilometers from her home but it took about 40-45 minutes thanks to the Yamuna Expressway. We boarded the cab and started chatting about anything and everything that sprang up in our minds. The situation became a bit cosy because of the AC and also because of the fact that there were less lights around. Its that time when we kissed for the first time (Not going into details). The feeling for me was divine. It instilled faith and belief in me and I felt that I had found the power source to survive for another 100 years or maybe more. I knew she had the similar feeling because post that we were short of words and spoke very little. 

I reached home after dropping her when I received a text from her 'Thank you for making me realise I am still alive' That's what she said.

I replied 'That's a previledge you gave me my love' and this time I send the kiss smiley to her and the heart shaped one as well. I could sense the joy and the feeling of extreme happiness in her that night when we again spoke for hours on the phone. We never mentioned what happened on the cab yet somehow I felt that the bond had grown to be stronger, the love had become incremental and I knew she was mine, forever! She did give me the world. For she is the world I stay in. She is the one who I beleive in and she is the one without whom I am just another guy in the known world. 

Temple Run

Post 11th of November, my agenda in life was very simple. All I ever wanted was to give her the life of her dreams, something which I knew from my heart that she deserved entirely. My sole motive was to keep her happy, contented and help her to achieve her dreams and aspirations. For me it was customary to wait for her cab at the gate of our office complex and wave her the last goodbye of the day. I know it made her happy, but I was too selfish a person, it made me even the more happier to see her smile and blush when I was there. I could sense the butterflies in her stomach, literally!

She had the routine of visiting the temple every Saturday. Kalkaji Mandir in South Delhi while we both stayed in adjacent localities in East Delhi.

She used to wake up early on Saturday (Only on Saturday is when she actually got the willpower to wake up early, rest of the days was purely an act of God), and then she used to take the long metro ride with an interchange at Mandi House station. I disliked this to a large extent. Why metro? But that was not the point, even I travelled by Metro. The point was why would she have to undergo so much of pain to reach the temple and again wait in line for more than an hour! I needed to find an alternative.

The first Saturday after 11th November, 16th, I woke up a bit late and saw her texts that she had already left for the temple and is about to reach. I asked 'Are you alone?' My thought was there might be a family member accompanying her. She said 'Yes, I always come here alone. No one at my home beleives in God'

'You should have told me. I can come with you' I said, not because I wanted to be with her (Thats true everytime though) but I just wanted her to be comfortable. I called her that very moment and said 'Wait for me in front of the Metro Station, I am coming' 

She went about her usual rant that I need not come and requested me not to take the pain of travelling early morning. She said 'Even you dont beleive in God. Then why will you come'. 

I said just four words and I stick to it till this day 'I beleive in you'

I was adamant. I reached the Metro Station in an Auto as fast as I could and saw her waiting for me, wearing a black jeans and a baby pink kurti. She had a small red 'Tika' on her forehead as well. I was simply bowled at the sight of her. How can someone be so pretty and simple at the same time? No make up, no ornaments, no fancy clothes yet the aura that reflected from her blurred the surroundings. I just kept on seeing her as if it was the last time I was seeing her.

She felt a bit awkward in the beginning. It was just the first week of our relationship and she thought maybe I was doubting on her. But trust me, no such thought ever came to my mind. All I wanted was to be with her every single moment so that I can never ever miss out on her expressions and her smile. I just wanted her to be as happy as she was that very moment when she laid eyes on me. I could sense that she was overjoyed and overwhelmed. 

I simply said 'Lets have some breakfast at Nehru Place' and I hailed an auto. She got in and I simply held her hand, the way she looked at me I could feel that she could give the world to me (She did! Read on).

Ignorance is Bliss

I had just returned from the yearly trip to my hometown Kolkata. And as per custom, I carried 10 tins of packed rasgullas for near and dear ones and for office folks.

I was unsure as to why I even carried one tin specifically for her! She is not very fond of rasgullas, she is more of a ras malai person (Yet another story!). But nevertheless she was a Bengali afterall, she should like it and so should her family as well.

Initially I was reluctant to give it to her in office. What will she think? What will the other think? Will it seem to desperate? So for the first week after my return the rasgullas were kept safe in my fridge at home, and since they were packed ones it had an expiry date after 3 months. Hence, lot of time to ponder over as to how I should hand it over to her.

I decided one day that I need to come out of my shell and message her once to meet up outside office. I texted her one fine Sunday to meet me for 10 minutes as I had some urgent work with her, did not mention about the rasgullas though. She said fine she will text ne as to when will it be a suitable time to meet up.

The much awaited text never came but yes we did talk about other things like my profile pic on WhatsApp. She even edited that for me the very moment (That's still my dp on WhatsApp in my primary mobile number). Yet the text regarding our meeting never came. Now me being a man decided to not poke her much on the meeting part, I felt that maybe she doesn't want to meet! Maybe she has other engagements! Or maybe she simply cared a damn! 

It was the 11th day of November, a fine Monday when I reached office. I decided to show my disdain for her by simply ignoring her and not talking to her at all. She sat in the seat next to me, and my habit was to just look at her face everytime I was talking on the phone. That day somehow I tried not to do that and she understood that something is not right with me.

I was finding it really difficult to ignore her! How can one ignore such a pretty face? How can one ignore that small mole on her chin which occupied a lot of place in my heart? She also felt something and started poking me as to why I was not talking to her, to which I replied in one sentence answers like 'I am busy' or 'Not ignoring you at all'.

While I was returning home from work after an entire day of ignoring her, I received the longest text ever sent to me by someone. It was she explaining and asking me as to why I was doing so, yet also admitting the fact that it was her fault that she could not meet up. 

That message tore me apart and I realised one thing that day. 'Love is something which silently creeps upon us, you can never choose to ignore it'.

I pacified her as she was being all emotional. I told her one thing that day 'You and only you will forever remain my first priority'.

To which she replied 'If you say like this then I might start loving you one day'. (She did! Read on)

Kolkata Chicken Biryani

Chicken Biryani is nothing but purely bliss. Especially being a typical Bengali man, I preferred the legendary'Kolkata Style' of Biryani which contains a huge potato and a boiled egg. Now very few people know that the Kolkata Style of chicken biryani was actually made by the chef of Nawab Wajid Ali Shah of Lucknow hence considering that fact it was an extension of the Lucknavi Biryani. 

I shared this fact once on the lunch table in office and people laughed. She hates potatoes yet loves chicken a lot and she joined the others in laughing about the potato in the Biryani.

I knew the fact and kept quite. Later on one day I bumped into a video which actually stated the same and I shared the link with her on WhatsApp. Also I wrote the lines 'Please watch this video. It proves my point that Kolkata Biryani originated from lucknow'.

She read and replied 'Did not know that Biryani ka aloo can be so important for someone'

I replied 'Myself not taken seriously was more important here'.

She replied with her usual and my limited knowledge of smiles. I hate smileys to the core. It actually means just the opposite of what we are thinking and yet projects that in a comical manner. If you are lazy enough to write a small sentence, then please call me! 

But yes that was the first start to our personal conversations and I felt like initiating something which I believed in with all my heart and soul. I liked the way she sends the smileys, completely out of context anytime and in even the gravest of situations. I like the child in her, I simply love the way she calls my name (very seldom, only when she is at the peak of her emotional state, she usually refers me to a different name which has many tonal as well as spelling variations). I felt a connection, I felt someone is there within, who can give me the world (Did she? Read on).

Cash on Delivery

The ecommerce websites in India generate maximum revenue only from female customers who (usually) order and then return and ask for the refund. She was not that type at all. She ordered only things that can be used. Except occasionally buying dresses which did not fit and returning them again. One more thing, she totally believed in the concept of 'Cash on Delivery' and simply a big no to online transactions (She still has only an SBI account and she visits the bank to update her passbook! Beat that).

For some months I was her companion when she had to take an order from the main gate of our office campus. I simply loved those small walks, it meant spending some time with her and talking about nonsense stuff. The way she asked me to accompany her was even the more affectionate. You can never say no to that! 

Once on one of our such strolls we discussed a bit about the kind of places we liked to be in. She preferred the mountains, peace and quiet where she can just sit and think in peace. Think about life!

Now my office was in the far end of Noida. Just beside our campus were lush green farms growing crops like cauliflower and other stuff. And there was yet this lovely path which felt a bit like an offroad trip. The road was extremely peaceful and it gave a sense of being with oneself. Me and a friend went there while doing Car-o-bar and for a quick smoke post office hours. 

I took her to that place that day. That place is yet special to me as I have lot of good and bad memories in that place with her. Not exaggerating here, I could figure out the excitement mounting in her the moment she saw the place, as if she could give the world to someone who got her to a place like that (Did she? Read on). She took a couple of selfies and shared it in the group and her body language spoke of someone who was exhuberant. That moment I realised one thing, being happy is a really simple, but yet its difficult to be simple. She exhibited simplicity that day and I loved her all the more. She made me feel that there is something in this world worth living for or maybe there is something in this world which I can call 'My World'.

Slaty

Being in a WhatsApp group with office folks is something I detested to a large extent. I hated WhatsApp for a matter of fact, if its anything very urgent, call me! Why message? Its more time consuming!

But yes she found it very entertaining, sharing nonsensical videos on the groups and sharing long messages and pics is her best form of interaction. So we were in a group with two other colleagues, we were a closed knit kind of group. Us two, and another guy and a girl.

Now I had never heard someone love eating slate pencils! With this dialogue she related to my habit of chewing pan masala. Nonsense stuff again! 

Yes she loves eating slate pencils and would probably give the world to someone who got it for her (She did! Read on).

Both the girls in the group loved that snack. Yet her expression of the feeling behind having it was probably out of the world sentiment, I can relate the same feeling with weed! She said it tastes and smells somewhat like petrichor. I was like 'You relate the feeling with probably the most loved feeling I have. Petrichor! The smell can take me places and cool my mind in an instant!

So here again my priority and duty was to get her slate pencils (later I knew they are also called 'Slaty'). I got one packet each for both the girls (Another pain if you see a girl quarrel with a girl).

I am never in favour of her having it, its not safe! But still I got it for her. I just love the glow on her face once she saw the packets! I love the eyes which shone with happiness. I could probably stock up all the slate pencils in the world and give her one every minute to see that expression!

Powdered Sugar

Curd or yogurt is very useful for the body. Especially 'Khatta dahi', it helps digesion (The problem I have being a Bengali), it helps keep the body stable in terms of immunity and yes it also helps to cool the body during summers. I never had much of a fancy for it but yes I can have it.

The person who helped me gain all these knowledge about curd is my best half. I saw her since the very beginning of my association with her as a friend that she carried home made dahi in a small tiffin box with a pink lid everyday at office. And furthermore she had that with two pouches of cafe coffee day sugar! Calorie intake was a premium thing here. And yes she also offered me the same (Just me!). I declined all the time.

One day we were having lunch in the food court inside our office premises (four of us colleagues). Now she had to finish her office lunch that was a compulsion also she hated to waste food and her mother had made it all just for her early morning (Maa ke haath ke khane ka sentiment! I know!).

We had ordered host of things like chilli chicken rice bowl, chole bhature and others, yet she finished her lunch brought from home and the dug her hands into my chilli chicken rice bowl (She loves chicken). After having a perfect Chinese dish, out came the prodigal curd wala tiffin! But yes the cafe coffee day sugar pouches were missing! I knew she loved having it that way! What to do?

Priorities change you see. That time my first priority suddenly became to arrange for sugar!

I told her "Wait let me check at the Madras Coffee house, they might be able to help".

She said in her usual tone "Not required I will have it like this"

Yet I could sense her need for sugar that time. She could give the world to that person who gave her some (She did! read on).

I went to the coffee shop and got some sugar for her. But yes powdered sugar, that is used in coffee! But yes sugar is sugar be it in any form.

I could sense her body language and mood change once I got it. Yes it was not possible to have curd with powdered sugar yet she had it all the same and said softly 'Thank You'.

I replied "Thats not how it works. No sorry and no thank you"

Starting my next series of short tales. These are all small incidents that have left a mark in me yet you might find it meaningless. These tales will circulate around one character, a character which in my definition is one world for me - My best half. 

The Best Half of Me

The situation around was insane. Enter the Month of May and we saw a new threat coming up on all of us - 'Lay offs'. Every other IT company was laying off its employees and I saw new posts everyday on LinkedIn. Sustainability was at stake now and in between all this I was utterly clueless as to what I should do. I never wanted to leave Delhi, because I had a career to establish and also I had my best half here in this place. I had become half mad by this time and half the time I spoke utter nonsense.

Now speaking of my best half. Trust me she is the one responsible for me being alive today. I would never had survived if she was not with me. Yes we had our own set of disputes and quarrels (Quarrels are in integral part in a relationship, it strengthens it rather.) but yes we spent a whole lot of time together (virtually). Playing online ludo was one thing we enjoyed, though I won most of the time (all thanks to the calculations and deciphering the code). We spoke a lot, like about 8-9 hours a day and shared a lot, things we did not know about each other. Once we had some respite, we again went into a new set of argument. Trust me, nothing in this world is more complex than the mood swings of a woman! Maybe thats why Newton decided to concentrate on Calculus.

We heard songs. I sang one for her after 7 long years. Now I was once suffering from Hodgkins Lymphoma and had to take radiation therapy on my throat as the best way of treatment. Since then somehow the pitch and throw of my voice (once the lead singer and emcee of a Bengali rock band 'MNM') had reduced but yet I somehow got it back for just that song (Tomay Dilam!). When I was not talking to her, I spent the day thinking about her and yes that helped me a lot to remain occupied and be in a fit state of mind. I did a lot of extra curricular activities like drawing (her face out of my imagination, oh yes! She is the most beautiful woman ever) and I even started Instagram videos and long posts regarding Quarantine days on Facebook. I cared a damn as to who liked or read them for I was sure she will do both.

We had our own sets of highs and lows and all that mattered for me was we are together, be it virtually, no matter what. The best part of her was the way she took care of me. I had to send her pics of my dinner everyday in order to establish the fact that I am eating. Stupidity right? Maybe being stupid is sometimes an act of intelligence. We both prayed for each other the entire time, and she took the Atheist out of me and I became a beleiver, but as I had said lots of times 'I don't beleive in God, I believe in you'.

Most of the time I did spend my time in the balcony with Peechu, just looking down the lane and imagining what would I do if I saw her walk down the street? The house is in a mess and she is going to be furious! I still wait, everyday, every nano second. 

She was the one who helped me by being with me and loving me so much that I could survive for 75 long days without seeing her pretty face up front. Its not just love that I have for her, its a belief that works as well. The light at the end of the long tunnel! She is the one without who I am just another guy in this world and with her, I am a Winner.

With this I end the first series of my quick short tales of lockdown days. This blog would seem nonsensical without her mention and hence I decided to end this with the 12th story(Not 11 or 13th).More to come.

Chicken ya Mutton

My maid had started coming everyday (almost!) since April and I was happy and sad at the same time. Why sad? Because she could not cook non-vegetarian! Her core compentencies were vegetarian food and she showed outstanding performance with Paneer. 

Now me being a hardcore Bengali guy (means I could swim the English Channel in search for Hilsa!), and a non-vegetarian by heart, body and soul could manage paneer only if it came free or if it was a complimentary starter in a buffet dinner. But circumstances saw me buying paneer from a nearby dairy and yes I did also try the evergreen 'Rajma' (An orgasmic dish for north Indians). Yet the inner me (outer one as well) was dying to dig my hands in some chicken, mutton or fish (nicknamed bliss). 

In came the infamous shop in Mayur Vihar who delivered raw chicken at home 'Chik Plaza'. 

I called them up one day once I knew they are open and also delivering.

A perfect gentleman picked up the call and without listening anything just spoke like marathon for a minute. I was getting on my nerves because everytime I called someone the utterly disgusting corona lady spoke up in her sweet voice! Sermonising us about the causes, effects and the precautions of corona virus. Trust me all my knowledge about this virus only came from her. 

He said "Chick Plaza! Chicken ya mutton. Home delivery available. Fixed slots morning 10-12 and evening 4-7. Minimum order 200 rupees. Cash, paytm both accepted." His tone at times went in a sing song way while ending the half constructed sentences. 

I held on to myself because that was yet another lot of valid information. And ordered "1 kg of whole chicken and do you have fish?"

"No sir fish not available only chicken ya mutton" the mutton was sing song here.

Fine! Lets settle for chicken then. I told him my address and he promised the delivery time at 6 PM. Ample time for me to cook the entire dish and savour it with rice and some salad. I was on cloud 99. Chicken after a month! That's not your stomach saying, that's your heart!

The promised chicken arrived way before time at 5:30. I was just about to shut the flap of my laptop after another day of slogging when the doorbell rang. Surprised is something which I really was at that time. Who is calling upon me in such a time? Now your brain functions in quick accordance and approval from the heart in some cases. I had not seen my best half for more than a month now (Trust me! Thats way too long a time, 30 seconds was a high enough figure for me) and I thought maybe its her giving me a surprise! How unrealistic the heart is? 

I opened the door and all my excitement just flushed out like a perfect toilet flush. A figure stood before me clad in a black jeans, a black T-shirt, a black face mask and a black cap! The all white section were his eyes peeking at me.

"Sir! Aapka chicken. 235 hua hai." 

I send him the money on paytm and he left saying "OK Sir very thank"

I recognised the voice! It was the same sing song tone I heard on the phone. And I realised (later verified) that he is the only staff working in that shop and hence he had fixed the delivery slots! Can you call it dedication? Or what? Maybe just an Act of Random Kindness! 

Gift from a Friend

The situation around us somehow helped all of us understand the true meaning of Friendship. If you ask me then I would say that its one relationship which you can enjoy with everyone, anything no bar. I would say I am truly honoured with the friends that I have, my best half above all, she is the one who had the largest contribution towards my sanity and well being. But yes there are few people who do leave a mark on us just with nothing but an Act of Random Kindness. 

It was mid May when Peechu had become accustomed to me and we were the best of friends. Now my responsibility was to get her 'Potty Trained'. It was a huge responsibility trust me with the kind of energy she has. I still have a complete workout session after just a 15 minute walk with her. She is too much energetic and loving towards all and very much social (unlike me!). Initially her favourite 'Potty Place' was on the main road in front of a typical Delhi stationary shop that even sold 'Holi ka pichkari' during Holi and crackers during Diwali. He also kept a stash of bats and balls for the neighbourhood children. 

I know him as 'Pradhan Jee', a typical 'Gujjar' who owns the entire building above his shop!

He had a liking towards Peechu, I know this because once she was done with her nature's call, he would come out and just look at her and say "Bahut pyara hai yeh"

I corrected him the second day "Pyari kahiye! Meri bacchi hai yeh". I knew that, all credits to my best half and of course 'Sardara di Kudi".

He then said "Accha ladki hai kya? Chalo phir bahut pyari hui"

I sensed an active animal lover in him. He had no objections towards the fact that Peechu found that place the most blissful of all for her inner peace.

Delhi was still in a lockdown state and I did not know what kind of a toy to get for her. She is still a kid, at least for the first six months.

One day while I was with Peechu and we were happily returning from her download session (she had found a new spot that day!), Pradhan jee just stopped me from inside his shop and asked 'Hope you have had her vaccinated and dewormed?'

"Yeah dude! She is my daughter" was my immediate reaction. But later I resented it as I saw Peechu draw closer to Pradhan jee. He was holding a Cosco ball in his hand, green and pink, and Peechu was excited about it. 

He came to me and gave me the ball and said "Something for her. She will play with it I am sure. I have sold such balls to many dog owners now"

By this time Peechu had already made Pradhan jee her first friend. She was busy liking his fingers and putting her paw on them (She does that if you are honoured enough to be her friend, the extreme part is sitting on the lap which she has done so far with only one person - my best half).

Realising something else with a different predujiced judgement in mind is something which we all should avoid. I considered 'Gujjars' as aggressive people but what he conveyed that day showed me the flip side of the coin. "Only one person can define, redefine or undefine humanity". Pradhan Jee is by far the bestest friend of Peechu and me, yes he simply Rocks! 

The Bitch I Love so much

It was the penultimate day of the month of April, I was taking a small power nap amidst my usual (and Boring!) office work when dearest 'Sardara' delivered me the cradle of life, the pup. 

Initially I had difficulty in understanding whether its a guy or a girl. I forgot that Sardara had mentioned it as 'Kudi' and also am no canine gynae. I sent pics of the pup to my best half for sex determination and finally she concluded that its a Bitch. I felt good! The presence of a woman in the house is considered auspicious as per Hinduism (Yeah! A believer!) and I somehow felt that we had a connection. She was cute and adorable at first sight.

Now we had to decide a name for her!

I initially named her 'Samantha' or 'Sam' inspired from the movie 'I Am Legend' but she was unresponsive of the name for initial couple of days. An alternative was required.

Now being a typical corporate guy working in an IT company, I decided to name her with IT skillsets like Java, Python or even Hadoop. Yet she was unresponsive to them. 

She has the most beautiful and expressive eyes, I know now that she can relate to my mood and behave accordingly. Say when I am listening to my favourite rock music, she tries to play with me because the type to music registers to her brain as a happy one. She knows when to leave me alone thats another good part. I wish I knew when to leave her alone, else I would not have had the cuts and bruises in my arms. She has her own sweet way of expressing her love for me by nibbling away my ears in the morning. And yes she consoles me when I am crying by holding my hand with her paw.

Yet the need of the hour was the name. One day while uttering gibberish names and having a conversation with her (the pup) about her name, I called her as 'Peeche' and she responded. Now it stuck. She only answers to 'Peeche' or 'Peechu'. Yet officially on papers she is known as 'Mishti' (a name suggested by my best half and I liked it).

Peechu is not just a bitch, she is a poet as well. I have seen her sitting on the balcony and looking at the world outside with dreamy eyes as if the next Sonnet is under construction. Her idea of the perfect mischief is to nibble away the carton containing my books (I have still not unpacked properly). And if you disturb her when she is sleeping, you are better off dead! 

Peechu gave me something which I will forever cherish - Friendship, unconditional Love and a lifetime worth of commitment. Enough for a man you see! 

The Maiden on The Terrace

Lockdown certainly taught most of us skills worth mentioning in our resumes. Of which one worth mentioning "Using the wiper to wipe water off the floor" Amazing skill trust me, it actually made the bathroom quite a lot safer for the next person. I had seen my best half doing so and even had heard a lot from her regarding the same. "Cleanliness and hygiene should be of first priority" I heard that twice an hour. From her! 

Now once I had mastered my skills in the bathroom my focus shifted to the balcony. "Will it not be much easier to flood the balcony with water and use the wiper rather than wiping manually with your hands." Evil genius! 

I ensured then onwards that I clean it once a day as that was the only place where I had the bare minimum contact with the outer world. 

Now right opposite to me down the street there was a house which had a decent sized terrace. And till April end the climate in Delhi was awesome. Pune and Bangalore folks would feel jealous of such a weather. Hence, evening onwards most of my time was spent in that balcony smoking, music or talking to my best half over the phone for hours. 

I noticed every time I came to the balcony a girl used to be there on the terrace opposite me. I didnt know her as I had shifted recently and moreover I was least interested (This is Honesty folks, absolute honesty!).

At times it felt awkward. "Is she stalking me?" You see what lockdown does to you, you feel that Tom Cruise is uglier than you but yes at my age I would also term is as "The advent of mid life crisis".

But later on I realised that she and her family spent most of their time on that terrace. So they have two rooms on that terrace and a family of 8. Hence privacy issues, so whoever had nothing to do spent time on that open terrace and apparently this girl had nothing to do the entire day because I saw her everytime I went out on the balcony. 

Either she was a serious stalker or to define it perfectly 'unemployed'. Yet she had the most ultimate swag in her. I saw her sport colourful salwar kameez and with appropriate make up the entire time. She was the one actually contibuting to the revenue by buying lipsticks. And trust me its hard not to notice a pale violet shade in a cool summer evening.

But she was someone who motivated me to a large extent. Amidst all this crisis, she was the one who projected positivity. She helped me figure out one thing "Whatever you do, try and draw positivity from anything within your surroundings." I don't know where she got the positivity from but I definitely received some from her. I started on a quick colour recognition course from my best half. She made me realise that Violet and Purple are two different shades of colour! 

I still don't know her name but yes in our talks we referred to her as "Teresee - The maiden on the Terrace".

Its Funtastic Sardara

Loneliness and a sense of being detached physically with my known world or set of people was killing me internally. This was around April end when being sane was a luxury. Imagine having that feeling that you will have to spend another day without being with your loved ones! It was that time when one day me and she (my best half) were discussing about keeping a dog. She knows that I like dogs and I had one previously and I was in the mood to keep a black labrador with me post lockdown.

Now just out of curiosity I joined a Dog Adoption group on Facebook where there were posts of free adoption as well as charged. I even made her to join and we discussed about the pictures of the various breeds of canine.

I was going through my Facebook feed one day when I saw the pic of an abandoned female up for free adoption. She had the most expressive eyes and a very mischievous smile. I immediately took a liking to the pup about a month old but a good breed of German Shepherd. I was about to just like that post when I saw she had already liked it earlier (she is a selective liker of posts). I knew somehow that there has to be a connection. I immedately messaged the guy who had posted the image and we got talking and exchanged numbers.

A typical over excited Sardar, exactly the man I wanted to talk to in these depressing days. But what I learnt that day is that Sardars are probably the most innocent and passionate of people and their dialect and way of talking is too much affectionate. He started the call with "Paaji Satsriakal" in the typical Punjabi accent of Sardars in a pompous yet amiable tone.

He told me that he had found this pup in the street and felt that she was probably lost and took her to his place, now his mother is against keeping her. He told me "Saddi maa mana kar rahi hai paaji, nehi toh isse jaane nehi ditta kahi" 

I shared my address with him and he said that he will be coming from Shahdara once he feels it is fit to travel. I agreed because I presumed that will be post lockdown. Now again, what else can you expect from an over enthusiastic Sardar? We spoke at about 11 in the morning and he was with the pup at my doorstep at around 2 PM! Unexpexted was an understatement for me that time. He called "O jee main neeche hai je" 

I was like "What jee?!"

I went downstairs and saw him holding the pup in his arms and waiting for me.

"Aye lo jee, acche se rakhna kudi nu" 

I was like "Brother! Hold on! Am not getting married to your daughter."

Then I realised another aspect in a Sardar, they respect everyone irrespective of anything.

I took her in my arms and he left without a word on his bult (Royal Enfield Bullet!). What he did that day saved three life's. Firstly, mine. I got the most amazing companion amidst this loneliness. Secondly, the pup. She got a home. Thirdly, himself. "Saddi maa se."

M for Maharashtra

What I have learnt from my days in lockdown is that, sanity comes at a huge cost. Especially if you stay alone and your life sees lots of ups and downs. Same case was with me the time lockdown was initiated in the country. I was going through a series of mental uphevals and was not in a state of mind to even think properly. 

Now, you witness lots of relationships in your lifetime, some you can give a proper name and some you cannot. Some people tend to stay with you no matter what while some exit once they feel or once you feel is the right time. Some people support you by being with you and holding your hand in person while some relationships are merely virtual or video call based but yet contribute a lot. 

I was facing an unexpected event during the Janta Curfew time and had no clue as to what I should be doing in life. I was a bit suicidal to be honest but yes needed that sanity in me at the same time. 

Here enters a friend. Lets call her M. 

I had met up with her just once long back in early 2019 via a matrimonial website (Yes, I was enlisted until November 2019). Things didn't work out well between us and we parted ways that time but yes somehow we were still connected on WhatsApp and Facebook. One morning, I got up from a sleepless night and was wondering about what exactly I should do, I cant go anywhere, I don't have anyone beside me at present and my closest person was 2000 miles away from me in Kolkata. I just pinged her on WhatsApp randomly asking about her well being. She stays in Maharashtra, which is by far the worst affected state in India and is a school teacher. 

We got talking and I just needed an ear to vent out all my frustrations and she was the most patient listener I got then. She heard me out, and gave me just one advice to start with, 'Eat something and try to stay healthy. That's the need of the hour' I found that to be the most bullshit idea that time because I had no mental peace. How can one just gobble away just like that? 

She told me about something which I never ever gave a thought to 'Give time to yourself. Only then you can do justice to your life or anyone associated with you. Love oneself, thats more important than anything"

Thought provoking words for sure. That somehow did work out for me to a very small level, but yes I did have a meal after 3 days post speaking with her. We also had a couple of video calls and I showed her my apartment and she showed me hers and we spoke for the next 3 days and shared a lot of things. What I understood is that her perspective towards a relationship is all about being oneself and thinking about oneself before anyone else. My thoughts were different, I thought of it as one whole world which can be summarised in just one word 'us'.

We meet many people in our lifetime, yet she contributed to some extent towards my initial sanity and am thankful to her for that. What she did was nothing but an Act of Random Kindness. 

The "Gas" Man

It was the third week of April, I had bought enough maggi packets, rice, daal, and about 10kg of potatoes and 5kg of onions. I was ready for all the zombies in the world. I had started putting up Instagram videos (I was good, actually!) And I had also started to stock up other groceries like chips, cakes, etc. Prices of all items of daily use were coming a bit expensive than before, and everyone was stockpiling like madness.

Little did I know that the only zombie I would meet was 'The Gas Man'. 

His name is Suresh (common name? Yeah!).

He is a black market seller of cooking gas in my locality. 

As mentioned earlier I had recently shifted in an unfurnished 1BHK apartment which had no gas pipeline connection. And the cost incurred for a gas cylinder connection was way above my pay grade. Hence, I settled for a 5kg gas cylinder which came at a small price of 350 bucks and had to be filled with gas (from a usual sized gas cylinder, technology and innovation at its best!). The gas would cost around 80 rupees per kg but due to the lockdown, prices were as high as 100-110 rupees per kg. Here came Suresh, the only man in Mayur Vihar Phase 1 who was committed to home delivery of cooking gas, which ideally meant he would take the small cylinder from your home, fill it up and then bring it back to you. Voila! Simple.

I came to know from one of my friend who stays near me that Suresh is probably the most resourceful person on the face of the earth (I should have known the level of exaggeration that he had in him). He can get you anything that you require at anytime during the day. Now the one thing most of us were missing was nothing but alcohol (90% folks wont admit it, I know hypocrisy is a natural Indian thing).

So come April end, I decided to approach him and ask him if he would know any contacts or if he would be able to get me some. So one fine evening I decided to venture out and confront him at his shop which was 10 steps from my apartment building. Now a typical Indian mentality is, if you are asking for anything illegal, it has to be asked in code language of some sort or should be asked silently. I approached him and silently said "Do you have any" 

His face lit up instantly "How do you like it?" He asked. 

I asked "Which one do you have?" I was not brand consious that time but definitely would say a big NO to country liquor or Haryana made whisky.

He again asked me "How do you like it? I have a good collection."

Then I asked the most pertinent question "How much will you charge for it extra?"

He now suddenly came in his style of sales mood "First you take it, pay later man! I told you I have a decent collection, middle aged, tall, fair or dark. Anything you want. Pay me 500, or lets do it this way. Pay me 400. Discount for you see."

Now, my mind was just jammed with the perception of alcohol. My agenda was clear. I needed a drink and was trying to somehow relate his sales pitch with that of alcohol. Middle aged, that would mean wine. Fair would mean maybe Vodka. And dark would mean maybe Rum. I was celebrating inside because of three reasons. One, I had found the elixir of peace, and two I had learnt the code language for the same. Third, it was not very expensive considering what I had in mind.

He interrupted my thoughts "Tell me which one do you want I will ask her to go to your apartment"

Wait a minute! Her? What? Why the hell are you personifying alcohol? 

Then I thought deeply over his words and realised he was not selling any of the elixirs for sure but it was actually something else. I was horrified and at the same time just started walking away from him while he was calling me "Listen man, I will get you a good deal"

I said "I just need gas. Will call you once I am exhausted of it"

Now once you know the exact character of a person, you will find lots in his body language that you had ignored previously. First, his smile is somehow a cunning one. And second, why does he always wear white pyjamas!? 

The costliest bottle of Whisky

'Where the mind is without fear, and the head is held high'. Lines from a very famous poem by Rabindranath Tagore. This was my mantra throughout the time I spend locked in my apartment. I did venture out on certain occassions like getting groceries or cigarettes or taking a small stroll in my lane, but mostly was at home. It was a tough situation for me as was for all of us, everyone has their own set of highs and lows. 

Starting of April, I got a bit impatient about this entire scenario and somehow my brain told me that whatever happens, happens for the best but the heart was not in agreement. Now there's an old saying, 'When the brain and heart are not in agreement the liver is the one which is the most affected'. But even alcohol was something which was just impossible to get and I was literally dying for a proper drink.

Things went well till April end, complete detox mode for me. I then realised that alcohol is never a necessity, its a luxury, something which can bring some peace in you for a short period of time and calm your nerves. But it does not change the reality of the situation around. Yet the desperation was at such level that time, I finally decided to make some calls to a few people who could help out.

Few months back, pre-lockdown days till November 2019, I was actively associated with political parties (wont take names, people become judgemental) and somehow felt that some contact might be able to help me find the Elixir of peace.

I called up an old friend, lets call him Mr. X.

One fine evening when I was busy contemplating as to who could be of help, I remembered X. I simply called him, maybe after 6 months or so and he answered with the same old enthusiasm and the same Delhite greetings of why I have been in the dark for so long and not come to any party meeting. I skipped all the hard parts of his convo and quickly moved to the topic of discussion. He was empathetic of my condition but assured me that he will do something by the end of the evening and will call me for sure.

I waited. Looked at my phone every five minutes for a non existent call or a WhatsApp message. Finally at around 8 PM, I gave up the hope and went about with my other chores. My phone rang at around 9:30 PM. I was expecting a call from my best half (calling her better half would mean there might be a best, hence) and I was totally oblivious of the fact that X would be calling me at this time. But it was him! 

I took the call and heard him say in his typical Punjabi accent 'I am standing below your apartment, please come down soon'. I was literally flabbergasted. I looked out the balcony and saw him standing below beside his white Activa. I went down and he greeted me like an old friend whom you are meeting probably after a decade and handed me a small bottle of Antiquity Blue, sealed. He said simply 'Brother, this is all I could manage. Getting whisky is really tough these days. I had got this bottle for myself but you have it for now I will manage' He further added 'Even if you get it somehow the black market prices are too high, I got this in 800 bucks while it costs 400. You pay me 400 now rest you can give me a treat once this lockdown thing gets over' 

I was bewildered at the fact that he was sacrificing his share of the drink with me! I gave him 400 rupees and he left after telling me one last sentence 'You enjoy yourselves brother. You have it or me, its no different'

I stood there stupefied and in utter disbelief of the entire episode. 

I went upstairs to my room, opened the bottle, made the first peg after more than a month and simply wondered "What had I done for him that he did this to me". Maybe its in the blood of Punjabis that make them so cordial to everyone or its my good deeds that has led me to see this day? Had I done anything worthwhile for anyone? I could have never done such a sacrifice ever. But yes that's Karma, maybe mine or maybe what he did! 

The Invisible Man

There are few people in your life whom you never thank for their deeds, who are merely people who contribute to a large extent in your life yet you never know who they are. Citing two examples here, first one - you don't know who delivers your newspaper (old school I know, but yes I only knew the dealer when I took them 2 years back). And secondly, if you have watched the movie 'Lunchbox', there was a character in the movie, very vocal but never seen. The auntie who stayed in the flat above with her paralysed husband who kept looking at the fan! Got me? 

 

So, summarising this way, there was someone who I have never seen yet contributed to a large extent to my well being.

I pay 500 INR per month towards maintenance of the common spaces in my apartment (the stairs, the terrace, etc.). Everyday its a routine of mine to put the garbage bag out to the dustbin in front of my front door every evening at around 8pm. 

So, I feed two cats everyday at about 11:30 pm and they know the timing and are present everyday the same time, but what I see at times is that my dustbin is empty! I don't know yet who that person is but they contribute a lot towards the cleanliness of the common spaces. 

I decided to call him 'The Invisible Man'. But yet was never convinced with the title I gave him. What if it was a she? You never know! 

I firmly beleive in woman power, yet am not a feminist. I respect women because of the fact that I personally feel that they are far more superior than men in a lot of ways. 

So, one day what I was sleeping and was highly unaware of what was happening. Just the previous night I had put a few empty bottles of beer and whisky in my dustbin. The doorbell rang at around 6:30am. For me it was my morning human alarm, 'The maid'. I just got up puffy eyed and opened the door to the voice of an unknown female! 'Who is she?' Was my first reaction.

A subtle female voice asked me politely 'Sorry to wake you up, but do you want the price of these bottles if I sell them?' 

I thought bullshit! Why would I even need such a thing?

I simply said in my sleep 'Do whatever you want but don't knock my door so early.'

I got up later in the day and realised that this might be the lady for who I am paying 500 bucks every month for maintenance! I suddenly realised that she is the one who cleans the stairs, the terrace and even takes out the garbage! The Invisible Woman!!!! 

So, what she did was nothing but an Act of Random Kindness. She ensured that we all are free of our own garbage. Who does that?!

IPhone, Instagram and Water

It was mid April when the world seemed to have come to a standstill. There were reports of new covid cases, more deaths, more dirty politics surrounding the miserable life of everyone in this world. If you honestly feel that your life is perfect, then please watch the news. In a minute you will feel as miserable as a pig for slaughter. 

It was that time when I first saw him. His appearance seemed to be like a perfect stud! He had earphones on everytime and he dressed in perfect street fashion - a three quarter pants and a Led Zeppelin T-shirt (I am a huge Zoso fan, yet I don't have a T-shirt). He was responsible for providing me with the elixir of life - Water! Yes, he was the water supply guy, the one who climbed up to my 2nd floor apartment with a huge 20 litre container of pure and packaged Bisleri. His name is Nikhil or Nick on Instagram. 

He was someone who was unpertubed about the surrounding state of the world and maybe he was concerned for the people living in my area. If you need water, he was just a call away starting 7am till 11pm. I sometimes wondered how many of those heavy containers he lifted throughout the day! If you find this just hard work then I would disagree with you entirely. Its not just hard work, he ensured that you get clean drinking water throughout the lockdown. Water supply was considered an essential service and with the amount of people staying at home that time the consumption of water certainly had risen to a huge level that essentially meant that his heavy lifting had definitely grown to a large extent. Yet he was in his usual casual manner, listening to LedZep and delivering the containers and occassionally posting a pic on Instagram. He is a young chap around 22-23 years old and uses an iPhone 7. When asked he told 'This is the only entertainment source I have, because what I do is an extremely mundane job. And I had started saving for the last 2 years to buy an apple iPhone' 

I saw him loads of times sitting in the small bench below my apartment and having his lunch packed in a steel tiffin box. He said 'The flavour in the food cooked by your mother has no alternative'. That's true though. I have never seen him taking a leave or ever saying no to delivery. He promises a certain time and delivers it in that time frame. After speaking to him at length he said that he doesn't want to pursue education because he feels that being a businessman is what he wants to be in life. 

All set and done, he is doing a good deed and a very noble work indeed. He is providing us with the main ingredient for life sustenance - Water. He is doing what I know is an Act of Random Kindness. 

The Awesomely made Paneer

Work from home had become a habit by then for most people amidst this lockdown, yet everyone had their daily routines set for the long haul to office and back. Hence, the advent of few people in your life was irreversible and they did stick to their timelines. 

For us corporate honchos, all we ever need is a laptop and an internet connection and we can slave our asses for eternity towards all typical non transactional stuff which gave no meaning to life. But for some wfh was never an option, cause that would mean no-pay! I am not talking of daily wage earners here there has been lots of posts regarding the same. In my blogs I am just going to touch upon a few softer aspects of my life amidst this pandemic and the people who surrounded me without whom survival would have come at a premium.

I had a typical corporate job, wake up at 7:30 and off to work at 9 am and back late evening at 8 pm. I had recently shifted to an unfurnished 1 BHK apartment in East Delhi, while my office was in the far end of Noida off the expressway. It had been just a week since I had appointed a new maid for cleaning and cooking and she had agreed for the early morning slot of 7:30 am. Which ideally meant, that I had a human alarm clock and someone who would also cook my lunch for office. We had the agreement that the time would remain constant throughout the week except Sunday! 

And she arrived as promised every day and cooked decent meals (the paneer she makes is awesome!). Then all of a sudden we witnessed an event called Janta Curfew followed by total lockdown and I had to cook for myself the rest of the month of March as my apartment had restricted the entry of maids. Nevertheless, I loved to cook hence that was never an issue for me, yes doing the dishes certainly were but I got used to it over a period of time. 

She again started coming April onwards, when lockdown and wfh was at its peak and hence waking up at 7:30 was certainly an impossible task. Being at home everyday without any physical activity was really getting into me, I had difficulty sleeping at night. I got some sleep in the wee hours of the morning and she came at her designated time and most of the days I missed opening the door. Later on I switched to the alarm again, so she was no more the human alarm clock for me unfortunately. 

I remember her story in bits and patches as that time I just had enough muscle power to just open the door for her and tell her what to cook for the day.

One fine morning while I was busy sleeping with my laptop open in front of me. She was trying to tell me something but all that registered in my mind was nothing! Even the same happened next day. Finally on the 3rd day I really wanted to know what she was saying to me all along. I woke up early that day and waited for her to come. I tried speaking to her and she told me that there was not a single morsel to eat at her home and that she and her husband had not eaten anything for the past 2 days, all their savings were only to feed their 2 year old daughter! Her husband had a 'Kulfi ka thela' which had seen no business because of the lockdown, she had been working in 2-3 other homes but they refused to pay her the salary for the full month! I was ashamed at myself that even I had done the same. But I knew that mending a mistake is better than repenting one. I immediately took to my wallet and gave her 300 rupees (that's all the cash I had) and also told her to take some rice, pulses and potatoes onions for her home from my kitchen. She was overwhelmed at the gesture but said no to any groceries but yes she took the 300 rupees. I could feel that she was not feeling good about it and it was equivalent to begging for her because she had already got the money for her hard work! I could sense the tears in her eyes yet could not muster the courage of looking straight at them. I knew I was yet looking at the condition of the larger part of the country, how the poor were affected by all this fiasco. Its not just the poor, everyone was affected in some way or the other. 

What I did for her did not nullify the problems in her life but at least she forgot about them maybe for a minute while having a meal after 2 days and sleeping with her stomach full. That feeling is enough for me to have a good nights sleep. All I did was nothing but an Act of Random Kindness. Something which the world needs to do often.

These are all real life incidents, and I intend to cover up few of these during my days in Quarantine. I did meet up with typical folks during this time and she is one such. She still comes to clean and cook, yet we have never spoken except telling her what to do. But somehow I feel she is doing better now. How I can feel that? By the taste of the paneer that she makes. I know she is doing well when the paneer tastes super awesome, and I know she is not doing well when the salt is less. I simply know, because a persons mood reflects on the work that you do. I just pray that she and her family stay well.